Needing me

I’m happy that my baby now sleeps thru the night. He is ten months old today, time flies. Sometimes though, I wish he’d wake up, needing me. I miss that time together in the middle of the night, where his cries were comforted by my breast, I miss that precious time in the rocking chair. The annoyance that would creep over me just as I had laid down and he woke up for a feeding quickly vanished the minute I picked him up and held him to myself. I never thought I’d miss those days. I guess that’s the thing about being a mommy, every single day they grow up and need you just a little bit less. 10 months ago he literally couldn’t live without me. 1 month ago he couldn’t sleep without me. Right now he can’t go far or eat very much without me but every day he can go a little farther and feed himself a little bit more. And I keep wanting him to grow up. Everytime I have to pick up his heavy 25 lbs I think, Oh, I can’t wait until you can walk. Everytime I have to guess what he wants I think, Ugh, I can’t wait until you can talk. But everyday he needs me a little less and it hurts a little more. Some day he will be so grown up, he won’t even need me at all. He will marry some woman and I will just become the annoying mother in law. I never thought I’d be the type of mother to have these feelings. To want him to stay young, to want him to stay needing me, and I know those are not the things I really want for him, it must just be crazy maternal instinct or maybe maternal insanity is a better word. You grow to love something that came way too soon and forced you to give up everything you had going for yourself and you were just sure you would resent it for taking away your freedom and needing you ALL THE TIME but then you find yourself crying and blogging in the middle of the night because that little thing doesn’t need you to sleep anymore and it hurts to not be needed and it hurts even more to know that for the rest of his life, each day he's gonna need you, just a little bit less.

Mommy Mishap: Keg Stand

My lil’ lion paw is the most active nurser I have ever seen, other mommies, well at least my mom and sister agree with me. He stands and nurses, sits up, crawls around and just keeps on sucking. The other day he was into nursing and I got creative, I grabbed his legs, turned him upside down, and he never loss latch. While I held him upside down I hollered out “KEG STAND”. Feel free to judge. But I see from etsy.com I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

Pardon my stroller, Mr. Porsche

I took Nehe out in Los Angeles today, we ventured to the west side, something I always do with dread because of the traffic. I met a friend for coffee, I parked my car and on the way in I overheard a man outside the store literally having a conversation about $50 million dollars, nice. I rolled my stroller in and a handsome man opened the door for me, double nice and the first time in LA that someone has opened the door for me with the stroller, Nehe is four months old but that fact is shockingly true. When we were done with coffee I left and noticed that a super new, shiny black Porsche was parked next to me. As I wielded the stroller through the tiny opening I was careful not to touch it for fear that my baby’s carriage would leave a big scratch along the side. As I was putting stuff in the trunk, taking my time I looked up to see a man standing behind my stroller giving me the stink eye. Apparently my stroller was blocking his car door and he couldn’t make the words to ask me to move it. I said, “Oh sorry” and quickly moved my stroller with a sweet grin on my face, still no words as he stormed past me and into his car as if to say how dare you and your stroller be in front of my Porsche. Jerk. I can play snob too. I’ll have you know that this is no $80 Graco I am pushing around, this is a top of the line BOB Revolution that set me and my husband back $400. I should have let BOB scrape that Porsche.